powerofritualsblog.com

I attended a memorial yesterday for John Parr, Sandy Widener and Chase Parr who lost their lives in a car crash before Christmas on an icy highway outside of Rawlings, Wyoming.  They were on their way to visit their family for the holidays.  Their youngest daughter Katy and the family dog Lindy were the only survivors.  More than a thousand people filled up the Temple Buell Theatre in Denver, Colorado to pay tribute to this extraordinary family.  Story after story was told by family members, friends, governors and mayors about the profound contributions made by this family to the relationships of their life, to Denver, Colorado and the nation.  The core truth about this family is the way they nurtured and celebrated the relationships of their life.  They gave of themselves in a whole, loving and unconditional way.

I was fortunate to have John as a client for four years, producing eight conferences for him.  But even after his organization was reorganized he kept in touch, brought me in on other projects, checked in to see how I was doing.  I told him once that in my travels producing conferences around the United States, I concocted a game I called the “six degrees of separation of John Parr“.  I would walk up to a group of people and ask the question “Does anyone here know John Parr?” and without fail someone did.  I would then email him and tell him who I met in which city.  He would just laugh because the work he did, the way in which he lived were imbedded in his very cells.  Ego was a word that didn’t exist for John Parr. His influence and work spread far and wide, took root, and produced a veritable cornucopia of gifts for communities, cities, regions, individuals.  The gift he brought to everyone who knew him was his enthusiastic support of the work you were doing the world.

Sandy Widener edited our first book the Power of Rituals for Women.  When I first talked with her on the phone I was smitten.  When I met her I hung on every word she said.  I was like a moth drawn to a flame unable to detach from her aura.  She had a sizzle to her, a way of wrapping you up in her enthusiasm.  She co-founded Westword, reported and wrote for the Rocky Mountain News as well as papers in New York city.  I will never forget her telling me that I “could write” after she read a draft of the first book.  Her stamp of approval was all I needed to squash that little devil of self doubt.  Her capacity for compassion was who Sandy was.  I called her on the Monday after Chase graduated from high school and when she answered the phone, I asked ” Is this the mother of a high school graduate?” The first words out of her mouth were to acknowledge how difficult it must be for me to celebrate other parent’s children’s victories when I had lost my own at such a young age.

Their daughter Chase had boundless energy and fiery passion about everything she took on.  She and her sister Katy possess the very best of both of their parents.  I know that whatever form Sandy and John are in right now, they are broken hearted for their daughters; for Chase who had the probability of changing the world and a world that will not have Chase in it, for Katy to have to live the rest of her life without her loving family.

As I drove away from the memorial service, so many thoughts and emotions laid heavily in my heart, not the least of which that if I died now perhaps one row might be filled with mourners and if they each brought a friend maybe two rows.  Certainly not a theatre of 1000.  I was touched, moved and inspired by the stories to look at my own life.  How could I renew my connections with my famiy and friends in a deeper, more meaningful, more joyous way.  What could I do to cultivate and create memories that would hopefully leave a legacy for the people I love.  What creative and heartful ways could I celebrate the relationships in my life so they know without a doubt that I am there for them, love them, support them.

Once again, I find myself writing about relationships.  It’s what I do.  It’s what I cherish. It’s what enriches my life.  It’s who I am.  Because of John, Sandy, Chase and yes my son Andrew, I have renewed motivation to love and cherish the relationships of my life.

The Denver Foundation has set up a John Parr and Sandy Widener Leadership award should you want to contribute.

Linda Ann Smith
Author, Speaker, Ritual Expert
Power of Rituals for Women